Is It Not About Time to Take Yourself Seriously?
Let me tell you how an intro conversation between me and a potential client (who is likely to end up taking at least a month to think through the option of “treating” themselves to some holistic confidence coaching) typically goes. Frankly, such discussions can be quite an experience. Oh, and I have strikingly similar observations about my patients, too, in case you were wondering. It invariably turns out that, no matter where our problems stem from, we really don’t mind too much making them harder to resolve than they actually are. Oftentimes, this is true because we are so used to having a problem that gives us something “legit” to complain about that the need for crafting and implementing an effective action plan to resolve the issue, followed by the novelty of no longer having it, could appear even more unsettling than the problem itself. I know this sounds absurd, but it’s so true, I kid you not!
During this first call, we discuss the potential mentee’s current situation, their desires regarding what changes they’d like to see take place in their life, perceived obstacles to their goals’ completion, previous attempts at achieving these or somewhat related goals, some reasons for success or failure, and their motives for continuing on or giving up on specific pursuits and moving on to similar or radically different pursuits. Sooner or later, we reach a point in the conversation where other people are mentioned and “get involved” ninety percent of the time. Such people may include family members, friends, colleagues, or any acquaintances whose opinions and/or actions have been helpful or (usually) preventive to the client’s success.
By now, I have heard every possible justification as to why a potential client has repeatedly made a choice to put aside their aspirations in the interest of someone else’s life priorities, be it on the health, spiritual, career, financial, or relationship front, or all of the above in various combinations. Also, by now, I have heard every imaginable explanation as to why the potential client has done little or nothing to reverse the situation, and these all boil down to the firm belief that someone else will not change their ways to accommodate or make it a bit more possible for the person I am talking with to implement the change they allegedly “so much” desire.
But, please, what about you and your priorities? And, what about you and your ways? I find it interesting how, when other people are being discussed, a preference is always voiced that they be the first ones to change.
The questions I then ask are, do you really need to rely so much on someone else to change for you or before you, as if that act on their part would be the sole thing that gives you full permission to change, too? Do you really have a burning desire to see them change first? Only asking because, if they do, would you then follow through with your commitment to change? How about you change first and stop concerning yourself so much with them?
The realization that they are perfectly capable of adopting numerous changes regardless of others’ viewpoints, opinions, or even actions, often comes as a big surprise to many of my clients. Admittedly, such a realization is not among the most pleasant surprises they’ve experienced.
This being said, I am not at all implying that countless people who’ve put themselves last or, at best, next to last on their priority lists only to make sure that everyone they truly love and care about is safe, well, and happy, aren’t sincere when saying that putting others first has only been dictated by their very best of intentions. I just don’t believe that long-term self-neglect is an agreeable situation. I rather believe there are ways around such situations and finding these ways is each and everyone’s responsibility when it comes to their own well-being.
Look, I understand you think your loved ones deserve the sacrifice because, often enough, their well-being seems more important than yours. I get it. I will not argue with you over this perspective, nor will I ever insist that you are more important than them, because that would conflict too drastically with your statement and present understanding of your relationships’ reality. But I will fight tooth and nail for your consideration of the not-so-popular idea that you, your interests, your aspirations, in short – your well-being – are in no way less important than them, their interests, their aspirations, and their well-being. That’s right! You are just as important, significant, essential, and worthy of respect, consideration, appreciation, and care as they are! And trust me, you’ll have to work very hard to convince me otherwise, so I suggest you find some more productive ways to spend what little time you may have within a day, like, for example, taking some good care of yourself instead, for a change!
At a more advanced level, our next task is to get you to find ways to make the time for selfcare and personal growth! You see, nobody can better determine what you deserve in life than you. But, in order for things to work right, you must take charge and make that determination in the first place! Because, if you don’t, someone else happily will. I hope you’d agree that there’s never a shortage of other people’s ideas and suggestions as to what you should or need to be doing with your free time at any given moment. That’s why, when we work together, I will show you the things you can do, while you’ll remain the ultimate decision-maker.
Simply put, my mission is to help you realize that you have choices. Many, many choices, as a matter of fact! I will point your attention to the choices I’ve found to work in excellent ways on multiple levels. Afterwards, it’s all you. But for starters, please, understand that there should never be a question as to whether or not you deserve a better life. The more substantial question here is, are you willing to do what it takes in order to get what you believe you deserve in your life? And, if your answer is “yes,” how soon are you planning on getting started?