Martial Arts and the Four Building Blocks of Confidence
I had a dream to be a martial artist — a strong, passionate dream — while I was in the third grade. For various reasons, this aspiration came to fruition when I hit thirty because, regardless of the circumstances, I somehow never abandoned it mentally and emotionally. Or maybe it was so powerful that it never abandoned me. One way or the other, I acquired my black belt in Karate at thirty-six, and a blue belt in Aikido at forty.
Contrary to what many believe about martial arts in general, namely, that you learn self-defense by practicing fighting techniques of varying complexity or, as it was the case with my family’s assumptions, you expose yourself to mostly unnecessary danger through full-contact sparring, there is much more to the learning process than what these oversimplified, popular viewpoints reveal.
Here are, in a nutshell, the four fundamental concepts I’ve learned from martial arts, which have helped me get to where I am today and keep helping me overcome setbacks in my life outside of the dojo:
Self-control
Respect for others
Self-respect
Black-belt mentality through perseverance, gumption, and resilience
All of the above attributes can be gained through uncompromising, consistent self-discipline — the foundation of every true success story. The elevation of the five essential pillars of life in a holistically self-confident human being, as discussed extensively in my book, It Really Is Simple: A Holistic Approach to Self-Confidence — A Practical Guide, is no different.
Let’s take a more detailed look at each of these underlying success concepts:
Self-Control
Self-control is first learned in a dojo with the basic understanding that you must treat your peers responsibly when partnered to practice defense techniques on each other or during full-contact sparring rounds. This implies that ego displays are not tolerated. You must exercise control over your mind, body, and emotions while sparring and performing self-defense drills.
Control of negative emotions towards your peers and towards yourself is equally important. It can be tempting to view yourself negatively if you’re slower than your peers at learning certain techniques or combinations, such as when your body takes longer to master a coordination skill or you need more repetitions to memorize a combination of techniques.
It’s also easy to feel resentment towards those who achieve faster than you. The beauty of the dojo is that there are many ways to learn from competent fighters. Most of them are not eloquent speakers or writers; so, don’t expect an eloquent lecture or a convoluted treatise. They teach by giving you real experience. And, trust me, it works! The sooner you resolve to control your resentment, the quicker you’ll progress. Be humble yet vigilant and inquisitive.
With practice, you gradually learn to not get tangled up into an emotional mesh of outward distractions and become better and better able to stay on task. That’s how you cultivate a focused mindset. The sparring ring is a great place to build and refine such a mindset because, if you don’t pay attention, you get hurt. The more pain you feel as a result of being distracted, the sharper your focus gets, the longer your attention span becomes, and the fewer mistakes you make during each next round. Pain is an unrivaled teacher…
Respect for Others
Great martial artists live by the rules of mutual respect. In a good traditional dojo, it is fully expected that you esteem instructors and peers alike, regardless of rank. You must also show appreciation to fellow students for allowing you to use their bodies to practice and hone your self-defense skills.
Inarguably, examples of egomania abound in the world of martial arts, because humans never disappoint at breaking their own rules and corrupting the best of intentions. It is my experience that no field of human knowledge is an exception to this sad fact.
There are multiple positives to being respectful to others. On a superficial and most obvious level, it helps people be more willing to cooperate with you when you show them due respect, notwithstanding their status in society. Most people are also likely to be kinder when met with genuine respect.
Self-Respect
On a deeper level, being respectful to those around you should ultimately result in you also becoming respectful to yourself, if you’re paying close attention to how the world works. You will notice that the most successful and high-integrity fighters, while showing proper respect to you or other peers, display ultimate self-respect by promptly setting clear limits the second they sense a double standard. They take no bullshit.
Self-respect is the ability to perceive yourself as the person you mostly admire while holding that person to the highest accountability standard at all times. You know you’ve reached this level of self-awareness and self-esteem once your feelings aren’t hurt by others’ words or actions, whether those are evoked by good intentions or sheer stupidity.
Black-Belt Mentality, or the Synthesis of Perseverance, Gumption, and Resilience
Few people are born with this type of mindset. For those less fortunate, it takes consistency and discipline to acquire, and then it takes the willingness to apply it throughout your day to solidify and become second nature. This means you integrate this mindset with each new goal or challenge you set for yourself, without allowing previous insecurities to creep upon you and settle back in during the learning curve of your new undertaking. Humility towards yet unfamiliar knowledge or area of expertise is still a must in order to open up a beginner’s mindset, but it is not to be confused with subduing yourself to old fears generated by past poor experience.
Gumption develops as you work on all of the above prerequisites. For most of us, it is not a quick process. Depending on how many self-limiting beliefs we’ve diligently adopted without question through the years and now have to unlearn in order to instill this mental habit of adaptability and resourcefulness, it may easily take several years of conscious effort to fully internalize. That’s the main reason I’ve always encouraged those considering enrollment into a martial arts program to further consider dedicating at least five solid years to their martial arts practice. It is, after all, a way of life.
The other aspect of self-discipline is perfecting your technique and building physical endurance. These two factors are additional great contributors to self-confidence. I repeat, they come in addition to everything else discussed up to this point. Many beginner martial artists erroneously believe that the cool-looking techniques are the key to confidence. I have seen very technical fighters acting insecure in basic life situations. Also, keep in mind that, the simpler you keep your approach, the better your results will be in any challenging life situation. If you must cause the biggest possible damage within the shortest possible time frame, you need two or three simple techniques mastered to perfection. That’s all! I remember my instructors saying over and over, “It’s preferable that a fight last less than five seconds!”
But then, why learn thirty, fifty, or a hundred moves and combos and practice these till the end of time, you might ask? Your arsenal of multiple other complex moves and combinations is primarily for enhanced bodily execution and flexibility of mind. Anyone who has done in-depth martial arts will tell you that these two factors can never be improved enough. And, of course, this is not true just of martial artists. Besides, a person’s mind and body are not two separate, rigid entities, and the best way to bring both to a highly efficient state of operation is to learn as early as possible not to separate one from the other in terms of prioritization of time spent and quality work with either.
We must hold ourselves accountable and at a high standard when optimizing our minds and bodies to a highly efficient level of operation. Great mind-body efficiency also helps with efficiency in decision-making in general. This is what self-reliance is all about.